My Thoughts

I am thinking…

You say you have a thing for me, you are” in love with me”, then turn around and tell me you are a virgin and you are desperate to change your situation and you have been dreaming about doing it with someone like me. WTF… nigga please I have 1001 reasons why that is insulting. And because of that I see that I don’t mean anything to you except the use of what I have between my legs. Men!!! Where do you lose the plot? We like being treated with respect.

 Maybe just maybe if you had asked me out on a date I might have said yes…

My Thoughts

I am thinking…

Today  I finally did it. I finally got my butterfly. I am pretty happy about it. And it’s beautiful if I can say so myself, and it would not have come about at the right moment. It symbolizes my metamorphism from a lot of things. The new me, what I am going through and what I hope to achieve. It will serve as a reminder that I can overcome anything life throws as me. I have survived heartbreak, I have conquered my fear of needles, I am changing careers, and I am going back to school. Biggest of all I am smiling again. And the smile is coming from deep within. It still hurts but that is the healing process and now I can move on to the next chapter. I still believe in love.

“Cause I am not a word, I am not a line, I am not a gal that can ever be defined”

My Thoughts

I am thinking…

A day later and the pain have not lessened yet. Instead it’s getting worse. A mention of his name, a song about love, a song about heartbreak, his picture, a gesture, the thought of him is enough to trigger a flood of tears. I cannot bear not talking to him. I am so used to talking to him all the time, anywhere, now my finger hovers on my keypad coz I do not know if it is appropriate to call him or text him.  Again a flood of tears fills my eyes because I feel so helpless. I miss him so much. I hurt; I cannot breath, I cannot eat. Does he know how much pain I am in? I do not think so because I put on a brave face for him. I tell him not to worry about me, that I’m fine. The truth of the matter is I am not. I need to be the one he comes back to when he comes back home. I need to be the one who meets him at the airport when he flies back home, I need to be the one he sends the silly sweet messages, the one he fights with, the one he makes up with. The one he gives little kisses all over, the one he makes sweet love to, the one he falls asleep holding and the one he wakes up next to in the morning. I need to be the one for him.

But it’s too late. He moved on and I was so caught up in my wanting him not to see it. It’s sad...

My thoughts

I am thinking…

How it hurts when you find out you are  a lemon and not a banana. When you thought you are the love of someone’s life only to find you are mere entertainment. It hurts real badly. It seems that is my curse to love and never be loved. Why? That’s the unanswered question I carry with me. So now i start the farewell process. Do I regret it…yes I thought for once I had something real, something worth keeping. I do not keep what’s not mine, so it’s time to say good bye. We had our fun moments those I won’t regret. I will treasure them as experience for next time….