My Thoughts

I am thinking…

A day later and the pain have not lessened yet. Instead it’s getting worse. A mention of his name, a song about love, a song about heartbreak, his picture, a gesture, the thought of him is enough to trigger a flood of tears. I cannot bear not talking to him. I am so used to talking to him all the time, anywhere, now my finger hovers on my keypad coz I do not know if it is appropriate to call him or text him.  Again a flood of tears fills my eyes because I feel so helpless. I miss him so much. I hurt; I cannot breath, I cannot eat. Does he know how much pain I am in? I do not think so because I put on a brave face for him. I tell him not to worry about me, that I’m fine. The truth of the matter is I am not. I need to be the one he comes back to when he comes back home. I need to be the one who meets him at the airport when he flies back home, I need to be the one he sends the silly sweet messages, the one he fights with, the one he makes up with. The one he gives little kisses all over, the one he makes sweet love to, the one he falls asleep holding and the one he wakes up next to in the morning. I need to be the one for him.

But it’s too late. He moved on and I was so caught up in my wanting him not to see it. It’s sad...